The Case of the Missing Ovary

Okay, so this story is a little personal... but it was just too damn funny not to share!

I've been very ill for the past couple of days. I went to the ER on Friday night with severe abdominal pain. It was an absolute madhouse, so they ruled out anything dangerous and sent me home. I had an ultrasound last Monday to try to figure out what was going on.

The woman doing my ultrasound had a very thick Eastern European accent and a rather terse manner of speaking: "Now, you sit here, undo pants, spread legs. NO, just UNDO top button. There we go."

"Hmmm...." I don't like it when people say that during exams.

Carp: "Anything wrong?"

"I cannot locate your left ovary."

Carp: "WHAT?!"

"Yes, uterus is fine. Right ovary is fine. But I cannot find your left ovary. Please compress."

Carp: "What do you mean, you can't find my ovary?!"

"COMPRESS. NOW!"

"Wha...? OWWWWWW."

Being forced to press down on your lower abs when you feel like you have a grapling hook through your uterus is not a pleasant experience.

"Okay, I need to find ovary. Please take off pants. We do internal."

I don't think I need to comment on exactly how excruciatingly painful THAT experience was.

"I still cannot find left ovary. Wait here. I go get doctor."

Carp: "It's not like my ovary packed its bag and went on vacation! Why can't you find it?!"

Yes, I was sitting with my legs in stirrups covered in ultrasound jelly wondering if my left ovary had exploded, which was causing my terrible terrible pain. In usual Carp fashion, I did the only thing I felt I could do at the time...

"MOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!" Yes. My mom still takes me to doctors appointments when I feel like death.

The doctor entered the room soon after and performed her own internal exam.

"Yeah... what the hell... where is this damn thing?"

After about what seemed like twenty minutes (probably only two or three) she finally said:

"Aha! Got it! It's hard to see, but it's there. Okay."

Turns out that nothing whatsoever was wrong with my ovaries. After going to a GI doctor, then my gyno, and then FINALLY by PCP, they determined it was most likely a bladder infection.

My life. My life.

A-Rod's in Hot Water (and No, It's Not a Jacuzzi with Madonna)

First off, I have to confess, I was halfway through writing a post on a topic that actually matters (Governor Jodi Rell's decision to do away with special interest commissions for women and minorities in my home state of CT) and I just... well, didn't have the energy to finish. I was too full and I was too full of anger to write a post that was anything but incendiary, whining BS, so I took a step back to calm down and didn't have the "umph" to continue. So that is coming later hopefully.

But, for now, Spring Training! Wee! Yes, I am a baseball fan. And yes, even worse (according to some) I am a Yankees fan. And damn proud of it!

Despite dating a man who is a passionate Red-Sox fan, I love New York and everything in it. Except for A-Rod... (and Giambi and Damon, but after I explain my burning hatred for Alex Rodruigez, perhaps you'll understand why).

In this latest (well, the first on here, but not the first for those who know me, personally) criticism of the tight-bunned, dreamy eyed, overpaid superstar, I am referring to his recent admission of taking banned substances to enhance his playing abilities (see this here to learn more). Although I would love to see the Yankees use their bulging wallet to field the best team possible, I really disagree with a lot of their choices in players. I think there are certain things that money can't buy, and one of those things is sportsmanship. Another is respect.

A-Rod is a great player, but he is a real jerk. It's one thing to be talented and know it, it's quite another to act like an overpaid prima-donna. I don't care if he'll go down as one of baseball's greats. I really don't care if he is the youngest player to have hit 500 home runs... the man is a CHEATER for using those substances. Giambi, too. Players who care more about breaking records than helping their teams get to the playoffs are just... well, I can't think of anything intelligent to call them. They're just douche bags.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Baseball is a business, like any others. Team managers might be more concerned with bringing fans into the stadium than bringing home the World Series', but the Yankees should be different. The thing that used to bring fans into the stadium was the fact that we won so many World Series. (You know, I really don't like other "fans" who like the Yanks simply because they win, but that's the truth...) Now, it seems like we're assembling a "dream team" of clowns and cheaters. Sure, A-Rod has a bunch of home runs... but how many of those runs have helped the Yankees when it COUNTED? As I recall, he doesn't seem to come up big (most of the time) in the post-season.

I'd rather see the Yanks bring on some young, new talent who they want to develop, like they did with Jeter. Not just BUY a team of jerks. Hell, I'm surprised they didn't whore themselves out and offer a contract to Manny (if there's any player I dislike more than A-Rod, it's Manny freaking Ramirez...)

I respected the Yankees when I first became a fan because the team had so much heart. They, to me, represented excellence and discipline and all that was good about the game. My heart was with them. Now... not so much. They are losing their edge, as far as I am concerned, because they are taking on players like A-Rod: "high performing" players, who bring in fans, but aren't bringing home the bacon as far as titles go.

It broke my heart to hear that Andy Petite used steroids (seems like a lot of players on the Texas Rangers used this stuff... that's supposedly when Giambi and A-Rod were using... when they were with Texas). But I would say the same of him, as well, even though he is a player that I greatly admired and loved. He, arguably, used them to recover from an injury (which, I guess, is a borderline case). But players like Giambi and A-Rod... there's no excuse as far as I am concerned. EVERY professional athlete is under pressure to excel. Hell, high school athletes are, too. That doesn't mean you cheat!!!!

As Cashman stated (and Stark keenly picked up on), A-Rod is an asset. He didn't even seem to have confidence (Cashman) in A-Rod as a player, or a person. He is an asset... and quite frankly, right now, he seems more like a liability. Between scandals involving his personal life (you think most baseball players are faithful husbands and not partying it up? Please, be realistic... but how come A-Rod is the one flaunting it?!), prior substance abuse, and dramatic relationships with other players (remember that whole Jeteer-A-rod catfight a few years back?), what good does A-Rod do for the Yankees? What good at all?

I think if the Yankees put their money into developing a new A-Rod, they would be better off than just trying to buy themselves a World Series. And this is speaking as a sincere Yankees fan.

But here is why I still love the Yankees...

I loved Jeter's reaction to this. He could have been negative and attacked A-Rod (like the rest of us...), but no. He was a true captain, and came to his team mate's (and the sport's) defense:

One thing that is irritating and it really upsets me a lot is when you hear everybody say, 'It was the steroid era. Everybody was doing it.' You know, that's not true. Everybody was not doing it," he [Jeter] said.I think it sends the wrong message to fans, to baseball fans; I think it sends the wrong message to kids, saying that everybody was doing it, because that's just not the truth. I understand there's a lot of people who are big-name players that have come out and allegedly done this and done that, but everybody wasn't doing it.

"We're here to support him through it," Jeter said. "I don't condone what he did. We don't condone what he did. And Alex doesn't condone what he did. And I think at this point now it's our jobs to try to help him be as comfortable as he can on the field and try to move past this.

I do not fall into the category of forgiving fans... but that also may come from my previous dislike of A-Rod. But Jeter and Cashman, in the end, are right. They bought A-Rod, now they're stuck with him. They have to support him and stand by him and they are. Here's hoping that all this will be resolved soon and that we can all get back to the game.

It's All in the Genes...

For those of you who know me, and often shake your head at my stupid refusal to cease playing rugby, or snowboarding, or any of the other crazy things I do that often end up in entertaining ER stories... apparently I come by that craziness honestly. My aunt (who, in her 40's, began training for, and has become a Tri-athlete. She is going to be doing one in the Sahara desert...) wrote an interesting post today on her blog:

Speaking of pulling barn doors open. After camp I came to CT to visit my parents before the big snow storm hit. My Mother was very excited when I came in and wanted to know if I would go with her to the racquet club this morning because for the first time in five years she was going to play tennis again! So off I went to the barn to retrieve her old tennis racquets. That barn door is STILL hard to open.

I was sad for my Mom when she gave up tennis. I never knew my Mom without a tennis racquet in her hand and she had one in mine before I was six. I’m not really sure why she quit but I know that the desire to work out or play sports comes from within. But, sometimes you just need the right word from the right person at the right time. My Mom ran into an old friend who runs the Farmington Valley Racquet Club and he talked her into playing. She was nervous and wanted me to come with just in case she couldn’t make it through the hour and a half.

I was worried at first too. Hmm, was she too told to be playing? What if she fell or her heart started to act up? She’s on blood thinners and a bad fall could be very serious. “If I have to go, that’s a good way to go, on the court” she philosophized. I walked her down to the court and hit her a couple of balls. So far so good. She seemed able-body enough for me. But could we pull off playing with some regular players? I watched them do a nice warm up, nothing too hard. She seemed to be hitting fine.

My Mom’s partner was a younger woman who was a very nice player. She did all the back court running and Mom hit anything that came within a couple of steps. When it was my Mom’s turn to serve, she served the ball in like she had never taken a break. 5-love, 30-love, ACE!!! I heard the opponents grumble something about “they sent in a ringer.” I watched her put a couple of net shots away and knew she didn’t need me hanging around and I went up to the viewing area to watch the rest.

Mom and her partner won all three sets. They made a nice duo. Anything short or in the air my mom just put it away and Dotty ran everything down in the back. They ended up winning 6-2, 6-4, 6-4!!! When they were done I was checking on my Mom, how did you feel? Was your heart beating too fast? Were you dizzy? “I think we should go for a swim now, wouldn’t that be nice?” Was her response…..

Oh and the one part I didn’t mention is that on March 3rd my mother turns 88 years old!!! I couldn’t help but take some pictures of her playing. And I have to say Mom that I was and am VERY proud of you!!!! 87 years young and still rumbling!!!!

You can read the full post here.

And you all think I'M crazy?