You'll Love David's Bridal

Okay, so from the beginning I wasn't really crazy about my wedding dress. It felt like I was compromising and picking something because I had to... but at the time I bought it, I felt like it looked good on me, at least, and that I would be content wearing it. (Bought it at David's Bridal. LOVED my consultant - and she helped me pick out another dress for a formal I had to attend).

So, I went in for my fitting today. Can you say: Total Meltdown?

I got up on the pedestal, looked at myself in the mirror, and just started sobbing. (It didn't help that I felt like a pro football player trying to squeeze into a dainty, plain little gown and was standing next to this gorgeous petite little woman who looked like an angel in her fabulous, extravagant dress).

I just hated the way I looked. Hated the dress. Hated my body. Hated everything.

The women at David's Bridal could not have been more helpful and sympathetic and caring had they been my own family. My mom was there with me - she compared the women to the mice in the Disney version of Cinderella when they are making her the gown for the ball. The new consultant working with me (mine wasn't in yet) told me (in her VERY thick latin accent). "We won't stop til j'you say YES! to the dress!" (which had my mother cracking up).

They literally tore the store apart looking for the perfect dress for me. I tried on a bunch and finally found one I sort of could stand. It's tea length, simple, yet very elegant. But my consultant didn't stop there - she brought out different colored sashes to tie around the waist and actually picked out my shoes. I loved both and started really getting into the dress. She finally found the exact right sash - put it on me, had me put on my shoes, and put silk flowers in my hair. I finally felt like a bride.

And if that weren't enough, they actually let me return the other dress and shoes and accessories. (Which, I hear, is unheard of for this company). With the exchanges of the dress, shoes, etc. we only had to pay $150 to get THE dress and all the trimmings.

They were unbelievably kind and caring and wonderful. I could not be more thankful to them. (Or to my mom, who was a wonderful sport about the whole thing). I felt like an ass standing up there and crying - but the staff at DB made me feel like a .... well, bride isn't the right word. They made me feel beautiful again.

Endurance

So, it's no surprise to anyone who knows me well (or has known me long enough...) that my biggest athletic/health demon has always been cardio endurance - and the mental toughness that goes along with it. It has been the achilles heel of my progression as an athlete since the time I was in high school. And now, I am finally tackling that demon...

And it freaking sucks.

Yes, coincidentally I am dancing with my demon in the months before my wedding, but this is not just about slimming down to look good in my dress (which will be a nice, perk, of course...). No - this is about reaching my goals as an athlete - and, more importantly, about finally getting healthy.

The whole reason I've always worked with personal trainers is because I am mentally weak when it comes to maintaining and enhancing my own fitness off the playing field (whether it was soccer, or now rugby). I need someone to hold me accountable for my actions - I simply will not do it on my own. This is in enormous contrast to the way I operate academically and professionally. (I wish I could explain why, but above all else I think it comes down to fear of physical pain and low self body image.) Unfortunately, even with physical trainers, I have stuck to ones who have tended to cut me slack and let me control the intensity of the butt kicking I receive. While I've done very well with those trainers in the past (especially Melanie - I could never have recovered as well or as quickly from my last ACL tear without her help), I've really only succeeded in maintaining a level of fitness, or returning to a level of fitness from which I have fallen - not increasing it.

Well, no more. My new trainer, John, is absolutely kicking my butt. And it's hard - not just physically. Physically, I can handle, up to a certain point. It is at that point where the pain becomes a mental block, not a physical block, where I stumble.

I simultaneously love and despise him for making me face my own weaknesses. (Though, I do wish he would appreciate the fact that I am well aware of what they are, in the first place... and trust that I know the difference between pain and discomfort.) He is absolutely correct that I need to push through the discomfort and stop babying my injuries. However... the injuries (the tendonitis in my elbow and shoulder) became so bad because I ignored them and pushed through them over the winter. My elbow has been hurting for over a year, now... I am tired of being held back by injuries.

I am going to push through as much as I can... but I am very much afraid of setting myself back. I don't think I'll be able to stand another season on the sideline.

So, is my lack of endurance a  physical problem? Or is it mental? During the rugby match - nothing seemed to hurt. In the gym, I feel every ache and spasm. Is it mere adrenaline that allows me to push through during those precious 80 minutes - an adrenaline which I lack during the 45 in the gym? Or is it something else?

I know that I am mentally tough - well, mentally strong, I should say. I wouldn't be going to law school if I weren't. (Oh yeah, I got into Qunnipiac! And won a merit scholarship. Still waiting to hear from UCONN.) Why does that same mental strength fail me in the middle of a plank or on the treadmill?

Well, I guess we'll see...