The Woman Who Said “I Do”

My mother and I had a long talk tonight. She told me the story of her graduation speaker at Cedar Crest College. “Bad me,” she said, “I don’t even remember the woman’s name. But she talked about the woman who said ‘I Do’. ‘I Do’ is not a statement made just once to a commitment, whether it be to a marriage, to a child, to a job, to a friend. It is one made every day. A decision does not just happen on the day it is made, it is made again and again, whenever times are tough”.

I paraphrase, for my memory for the spoken word is, regrettably, not as accurate as it should be. My mother told me of the many times she has say “I Do”. Her point was that once we make a commitment, we must re-make that commitment every day, especially when things are not going our way. “The day I most remember having to say ‘I Do’,” she told me, “was when you were a child.” I was a gifted student, but did not respond well to pressure. I bombed some big standardized test, and the school was ready to kick me out of whatever special class I was in. My teachers were calling shenanigans and insisting I be left where I was, my father was ready to beat the principal to a pulp, and my mother… well.. she was saying “I Do”.

“Being a mother is sometimes the loneliest, ugliest job in the world,” she told me. “Because I had to be your mom. Rather than joining the fray, I had to be there for you. To make sure your confidence was still up. I had to make sure you were still okay.” I don’t understand why this incident, in particular, was so hard for them. My mother said for her, it was traumatizing. I can think of other, harsher, more traumatic examples of what our family has been through, but for her, this incident stuck out. Whether or not I understand why, I do understand what she said next.

“There are days when I’m not the smartest, or the strongest, or the best candidate for the job. There are days when it’s too hard and too frightening. Those are the days when I say “I do’.”

I wish I could record exactly what my mother said to me, and I’m afraid I’ve botched her more than eloquent phrasing, but I will remember the woman who said “I Do” because she has been with me through every step of the way. Life is not always easy and it does not always turn out the way we want it to, but we cannot run from it. Once a commitment is made, it should not be easily broken. It should not be something to be put aside because it is so difficult. The essence of commitment is the understanding that it will not always be easy or fun, but that we will still be there when things get hard.

“I don’t even remember the fucking woman’s name,” she cried, her arms above her head. “But, I remember what it means to say “I Do”. And so will I.

Up to Speed

So, my life has changed a lot in the past couple of months. As indicated in my last post, I started coaching and working in insurance. I work for my parents' TPA. It's not what I want to do for the rest of my life, but it's allowing me to figure it out. I also got a job coaching high school women's soccer. But, the latest news (unfortunately) is...

On October 3rd, I tore the MCL and ACL in my left knee when I slipped in the mud during a rugby game. That’s right. No big play; no contact. Just me and my clumsy self slipping in the mud. That, more than anything else, pretty much sums up my life. Those sorts of things happen to me, and unfortunately, they happen quite often.

This is not the first time I’ve suffered a torn ACL. I tore the right one back in high school, tripping over my own two feet playing softball. (I told you those sorts of things happen to me!)

There are, of course, a multitude of other things going on in my life right now (my coaching job, my insurance job, my family dramas, my impending mortgage and move-in with my long time boyfriend), but, my knee is most central to my thoughts. Why? Because how the hell am I supposed to deal with anything else when I can’t fucking walk? Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.

My surgery is currently scheduled for December 4th. That may change… I sincerely hope it doesn’t, since the other date would be December 11. There is no way I am missing a rugby moving starring Matt Damon because I’m too doped up on painkillers to go see it. No way in hell. Girl’s gotta have priorities.

I am working my ass off (well, not quite as literally as I would like to, believe me) to get as strong as I can before my surgery so I can make the rehab as easy on myself as I can. I am also struggling to finish out my coaching job for this season, as well as work enough hours for my parents’ third party administrator to keep my health insurance. Did I mention the boyfriend and the mortgage? I think I did, but I’m still coming to terms with that myself…

I started off this blog as an attempt to chronicle my experience as a volunteer-teacher. I failed pretty miserably – mostly because I didn’t feel comfortable writing about the kids or my coworkers as freely as I would have wished. Perhaps I’ll be able to chronicle it in retrospect one day, but for now, I’d like to focus on the present.

Here is my life. Welcome to it.

Welcome to Corporate Life...

So, in between coaching jobs, I am working for my parents' company. We're a small third party administrator, which means we handle billing and customer service for different insurance companies.

Cubicle life, 9-5. (Well, in my case 9-3 because I am "summer help"). I reconcile different accounts and I file. All day. I'm supposed to answer phones, but they terrify me.

Favorite quote so far, listening to one of my co-workers field a call from one of our retirees (we do retiree benefits for the most part).

"No, Ma'am, we're [insert name of Company here], we do the billing. Your insurance is through [insert name of Insurance Provider here]."

[Pause - you can hear vaguely hear old, confused, angry crone screeching through the phone].

"No, Ma'am you DO have our phone number, because you just called it."


The worst part? It still beats working with kids...

It's June... Already?

Well, like this blog, this year did not really turned out as I had originally planned. This year was supposed to be about sacrifice, growth, opportunity, and becoming a better person. This blog was supposed to be a record of that. I don't think that happened.

I'm not a better person after working at this school. I wouldn't say I'm much wiser, either. But, I'm aware of those two things, now; which is as good a start as any.

Things I've learned this year:

* I could be a kick-ass teacher if I wanted to... but I do not want to.
* I'm lazier than I thought.
* I can be a real bitch when I want to be... and unfortunately that is necessary at times.
* Sacrifice does not make you a good person (especially when you find yourself bitching and whining about it the whole time). Not seeing something like this as the enormous sacrifice that it is does.
* The world is a much worse place than I thought it was...
* ... but sometimes individuals can amaze you.
* Children suck...
* ... but adults suck more.
* The suckiest adults are, in reality, still children.
* I want to have kids, despite how much they suck.
* I want to be a coach/involved with athletics.
* My parents are awesome people and I was a complete ass as a teenager.
* Giving to charity does not make you a charitable person.
* Giving time to charity only makes you a charitable person if you believe in your cause.
* Weaver is awesome.
* Men scare, confuse, aggravate, annoy, anger, and often infuriate me. Yet I'm still straight and I still love my boyfriend.
* Atheism means a lot to me.
* Rugby means the world to me.
* I miss my college friends.

But most of all...

* I miss having the feeling of having a fire lit under my ass. I miss believing that the world has a bad rap and that people are actually much better than we think they are. I miss believing that all people need is a chance to succeed and a guiding hand to bring themselves out of indigence and ignorance. I miss being the shiny-eyed idealist who believed she could change the world.

Things I need to learn

* How to better temper negativity with humor - and learn to be positive on some occasions.
* How to forgive myself for not changing the world.
* To understand that I am, indeed, changing the world by being an active part of it.
* How to forgive kids for being rookies at life.
* How to be patient.

But most importantly...

* How to stop procrastinating and get back to work; I've got exams to make, grades to lock in, kids to discipline, and my life to lead.

Four more days as a teacher. I'm almost there...

Saturday's a Rugby Day

So, even though I really shouldn't have with my schedule, I started playing with the Hartford Roses this season. It's been incredible! We went up to N.H. this weekend for a big tournament; I swear, I haven't had that much fun since my first drink-up in college (which was hard to beat). I won't describe the absolute insanity at this point (because, quite frankly, there is some of it that I don't remember), but, it was a good time. They are a wonderful group of women and I am very glad to have been invited to play with them. I've never met a harder working, harder playing, harder partying girls before.

It was a tough trip going up; I got out of work at 10 the night previous (my advisee was hosting culture night at the school and I promised I would go) and drove the four hours to N.H. by myself at 5:00 am the next morning. Ouch.

Highlight of the whole weekend, though, was not the partying. Or even the rugby (thought that was AMAZING). It was getting to know some of the girls better. It felt sort of strange at first, because I am younger than a lot of them. I felt almost like the little sister. It was sort of pleasant. I spend my whole day bossing kids around and having to feel like I'm the only responsible adult in a three mile radius (which, for those of you who know me, know how RIDICULOUS that is...). It was nice to be a rookie again - to not be expected to know what to do, and praised for doing it. It's nice having people want to include you, rather than having to go out on a limb.

It was awesome getting to know some of the guys, as well. I'm a bit more timid around them. I'm a bit more timid around everyone on the team... I'm not sure why that is, quite yet. I guess I just really want to be on good terms with everyone. I sort of have a tendency to ... well, run my mouth off. I haven't yet, here. I suppose I haven't been drinking enough around them...

Anyway, soppy article - not very interesting. I don't have any good stories of my own to share. I primarily just watched. But, it's good to be happy. I haven't felt this good in a long time. Work's been wearing on me. I'll be glad to be done with it for the summer.

I've already decided I'm not coming back full time in the fall next year. I'll be the athletic director (freaking sweet!!) and helping out only when I feel like it, beyond that. Just... too much.

Best part: I'll be able to play rugby all of next season. The insanity manages to help curb my own, I suppose. I'm a more normal person on the field than I am in the classroom. Weird.

Teaching is a Profession, Not a Business.

My school exists as a part of the effort to close the achievement gap in Connecticut. Minority students from urban areas perform at much lower levels than their white peers in suburban schools. Many people ask why there is such a gap in the first place. A lot of it comes down to the ways in which racism has been institutionalized in our country. While that explains the origin of the achievement gap, institutionalized racism does not explain why the gap continues to grow, rather than recede. No one (except the occasional loud-mouthed bigot) seems comfortable offering an answer. Hartford, recently, has decided to place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the one group of people who so doesn't need it: the teachers. In the above article, we are told that Hartford teachers should work longer days, get less sick time and have stricter work evaluations, according to a report released today by the National Council on Teacher Quality, an education think tank in Washington.

April Fool's Day

So, M and I decided we were finally going to enact our fiendish plan to prank our male roommates.

We duck taped D in his room with hot pink duck tape, put 96 feminine napkins in their bath tub, and a whole box of tampons in their sink. We didn't quite get the reaction we wanted (the boys were really rather lame about the whole thing; they didn't get mad... they didn't really get anything), but it was a fun adventure anyway. See pics below.

The Pink Door of Doom

Yours truly

My lovely partner in crime.

Can You Train Yourself to Have a Higher IQ?

I read an interesting guest column in the New York Times today.

The writer talked about a study which seems to indicate that environment has a much larger impact on a person's IQ than previously thought.

She talks about the Flynn effect; there is a phenomena that, she says "is too rapid to be explained by natural selection." The scores of standardized IQ tests are rising as much as three points per decade in many countries, she reports. Some are increasing even more rapidly. Scientists have singled out working memory as a possible cause for the increase.

Working memory (as I understand it) is the ability to retain information while actively manipulating it to solve a problem. For example, you might learn a new vocab word, and then use that word to answer a question (I have noticed that is how many of my students workbooks function). In tests conducted by researchers, adults who actively (and it seems, rather intensely) trained their working memory saw an increase in IQ.

The researchers saw a direct relationship between training and performance. As an athlete and a coach, this sounds very familiar. I wonder if your brain functions in the same way that your muscles do? You develop muscle memory through repeated exercises. The amount of training you do has a direct correlation to your performance.

However, with muscles, you must sustain a minimum amount of training to maintain your ability to perform. I wonder if the same is true with IQ? Does your IQ decrease if you don't actively train your brain? Or does it simply remain stagnant? We know that people who do activities like crossword puzzles and Sudoku seem to stave off the cognitive impairments of the aging process. It seems just as likely that with lack of sustained training (even in the form of everyday problem solving issues at work), young, healthy adults may lose some of their intelligence.

I suppose that would explain the phenomena on "Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?" that adults (presumably having learned this information at some point in their lives) do not remember the answers to questions that 5th graders find simple.

Of course, I'm not a scientist, so I can't prove that. But, I think it would be a worthwhile research project.

It would be especially interesting to study in the context of children and adolescents. Working memory and multitasking are huge realities of student life(you don’t just take one class at a time, after all). Does being in school and engaging in a learning environment raise a student's IQ? Or does the student excel in the environment because s/he has a high IQ?


Problem solving and abstract reasoning are two skills which most of my students struggle with. (These skills are the ones that apparently enhanced by training working memory). I’m not quite sure if this is a cognitive inability or an unwillingness to put the work into solving the problem (many students will ask for help immediately, rather than try to work through it). Either may be true.

Nevertheless, the results may be interesting when we consider students who have learning disabilities or students who seem to be unable to remember information for tests. Rather than medicating the student, should we take an alternate route and focus more on brain training outside of class?

It would also be interesting to see how people perform on these tests after they have stopped training. Does IQ function like muscles which atrophy with disuse over time? I know I often feel less articulate and intelligent after having been out of college. I feel like it is harder for me to remember what I have read, sometimes. Perhaps that is simply a result of the amount of stress I am under, but maybe I just need to start exercising my brain a bit more.

All I Want for International Women's Day...

I know that IWD was on Sunday, but I just found this article today, and I really got a kick out of it.

First off, however, it saddens me just how under-acknowledged it is in the United States. I had no idea there was even such a holiday until two years ago. Nor, was I aware of Women's History Month. Or that March 1st is International Women of Color Day (BAD FEMINIST!!).

I thought, originally, that it might be because the holiday is relatively new... wow, that was stupid. It's been around for over a century, but has not gained mainstream recognition in the US (WHERE IT ORIGINATED!!!). I had no idea about its history or its purpose until I tried to put together a lecture on it for my students. I came across some interesting resources. If you would like to learn more about it, check out the sites below.

The Official Website
From the UN

I wish I knew more about technology. I'd post the powerpoint I made for my boys. It's a kid-friendly version (unsurprisingly, I found very little concerning the holiday itself that is meant for kids).

I think the thing that surprised me the most is the difference in American attitudes towards the holiday and the attitudes of women from across the globe. M studied abroad in Cameroon and she said it was HUGE over there. On March 8, women from all over the country purchase dresses made from the same material and wear them, marching for unity. She said that women of all ages came together to march in remembrance of the strength of Cameroonian women and the struggles they still face. I thought it was really touching. Mothers hold children on their hips as they march, young girls run laughing and weaving through the legs of their neighbors and relatives.

I can't even remember the holiday ever being mentioned in my school!

Anyway, in celebration of IWD and of Women's History Month, check this out: All I Want for International Women's Day. This is a list of the hopes and wishes of one feminist whose main struggle is for rights for Aboriginal Women. Enjoy!

The Case of the Missing Ovary

Okay, so this story is a little personal... but it was just too damn funny not to share!

I've been very ill for the past couple of days. I went to the ER on Friday night with severe abdominal pain. It was an absolute madhouse, so they ruled out anything dangerous and sent me home. I had an ultrasound last Monday to try to figure out what was going on.

The woman doing my ultrasound had a very thick Eastern European accent and a rather terse manner of speaking: "Now, you sit here, undo pants, spread legs. NO, just UNDO top button. There we go."

"Hmmm...." I don't like it when people say that during exams.

Carp: "Anything wrong?"

"I cannot locate your left ovary."

Carp: "WHAT?!"

"Yes, uterus is fine. Right ovary is fine. But I cannot find your left ovary. Please compress."

Carp: "What do you mean, you can't find my ovary?!"

"COMPRESS. NOW!"

"Wha...? OWWWWWW."

Being forced to press down on your lower abs when you feel like you have a grapling hook through your uterus is not a pleasant experience.

"Okay, I need to find ovary. Please take off pants. We do internal."

I don't think I need to comment on exactly how excruciatingly painful THAT experience was.

"I still cannot find left ovary. Wait here. I go get doctor."

Carp: "It's not like my ovary packed its bag and went on vacation! Why can't you find it?!"

Yes, I was sitting with my legs in stirrups covered in ultrasound jelly wondering if my left ovary had exploded, which was causing my terrible terrible pain. In usual Carp fashion, I did the only thing I felt I could do at the time...

"MOOOOOMMMMMMMMYYYYYYY!!!!!!" Yes. My mom still takes me to doctors appointments when I feel like death.

The doctor entered the room soon after and performed her own internal exam.

"Yeah... what the hell... where is this damn thing?"

After about what seemed like twenty minutes (probably only two or three) she finally said:

"Aha! Got it! It's hard to see, but it's there. Okay."

Turns out that nothing whatsoever was wrong with my ovaries. After going to a GI doctor, then my gyno, and then FINALLY by PCP, they determined it was most likely a bladder infection.

My life. My life.

A-Rod's in Hot Water (and No, It's Not a Jacuzzi with Madonna)

First off, I have to confess, I was halfway through writing a post on a topic that actually matters (Governor Jodi Rell's decision to do away with special interest commissions for women and minorities in my home state of CT) and I just... well, didn't have the energy to finish. I was too full and I was too full of anger to write a post that was anything but incendiary, whining BS, so I took a step back to calm down and didn't have the "umph" to continue. So that is coming later hopefully.

But, for now, Spring Training! Wee! Yes, I am a baseball fan. And yes, even worse (according to some) I am a Yankees fan. And damn proud of it!

Despite dating a man who is a passionate Red-Sox fan, I love New York and everything in it. Except for A-Rod... (and Giambi and Damon, but after I explain my burning hatred for Alex Rodruigez, perhaps you'll understand why).

In this latest (well, the first on here, but not the first for those who know me, personally) criticism of the tight-bunned, dreamy eyed, overpaid superstar, I am referring to his recent admission of taking banned substances to enhance his playing abilities (see this here to learn more). Although I would love to see the Yankees use their bulging wallet to field the best team possible, I really disagree with a lot of their choices in players. I think there are certain things that money can't buy, and one of those things is sportsmanship. Another is respect.

A-Rod is a great player, but he is a real jerk. It's one thing to be talented and know it, it's quite another to act like an overpaid prima-donna. I don't care if he'll go down as one of baseball's greats. I really don't care if he is the youngest player to have hit 500 home runs... the man is a CHEATER for using those substances. Giambi, too. Players who care more about breaking records than helping their teams get to the playoffs are just... well, I can't think of anything intelligent to call them. They're just douche bags.

Yeah, yeah, I know. Baseball is a business, like any others. Team managers might be more concerned with bringing fans into the stadium than bringing home the World Series', but the Yankees should be different. The thing that used to bring fans into the stadium was the fact that we won so many World Series. (You know, I really don't like other "fans" who like the Yanks simply because they win, but that's the truth...) Now, it seems like we're assembling a "dream team" of clowns and cheaters. Sure, A-Rod has a bunch of home runs... but how many of those runs have helped the Yankees when it COUNTED? As I recall, he doesn't seem to come up big (most of the time) in the post-season.

I'd rather see the Yanks bring on some young, new talent who they want to develop, like they did with Jeter. Not just BUY a team of jerks. Hell, I'm surprised they didn't whore themselves out and offer a contract to Manny (if there's any player I dislike more than A-Rod, it's Manny freaking Ramirez...)

I respected the Yankees when I first became a fan because the team had so much heart. They, to me, represented excellence and discipline and all that was good about the game. My heart was with them. Now... not so much. They are losing their edge, as far as I am concerned, because they are taking on players like A-Rod: "high performing" players, who bring in fans, but aren't bringing home the bacon as far as titles go.

It broke my heart to hear that Andy Petite used steroids (seems like a lot of players on the Texas Rangers used this stuff... that's supposedly when Giambi and A-Rod were using... when they were with Texas). But I would say the same of him, as well, even though he is a player that I greatly admired and loved. He, arguably, used them to recover from an injury (which, I guess, is a borderline case). But players like Giambi and A-Rod... there's no excuse as far as I am concerned. EVERY professional athlete is under pressure to excel. Hell, high school athletes are, too. That doesn't mean you cheat!!!!

As Cashman stated (and Stark keenly picked up on), A-Rod is an asset. He didn't even seem to have confidence (Cashman) in A-Rod as a player, or a person. He is an asset... and quite frankly, right now, he seems more like a liability. Between scandals involving his personal life (you think most baseball players are faithful husbands and not partying it up? Please, be realistic... but how come A-Rod is the one flaunting it?!), prior substance abuse, and dramatic relationships with other players (remember that whole Jeteer-A-rod catfight a few years back?), what good does A-Rod do for the Yankees? What good at all?

I think if the Yankees put their money into developing a new A-Rod, they would be better off than just trying to buy themselves a World Series. And this is speaking as a sincere Yankees fan.

But here is why I still love the Yankees...

I loved Jeter's reaction to this. He could have been negative and attacked A-Rod (like the rest of us...), but no. He was a true captain, and came to his team mate's (and the sport's) defense:

One thing that is irritating and it really upsets me a lot is when you hear everybody say, 'It was the steroid era. Everybody was doing it.' You know, that's not true. Everybody was not doing it," he [Jeter] said.I think it sends the wrong message to fans, to baseball fans; I think it sends the wrong message to kids, saying that everybody was doing it, because that's just not the truth. I understand there's a lot of people who are big-name players that have come out and allegedly done this and done that, but everybody wasn't doing it.

"We're here to support him through it," Jeter said. "I don't condone what he did. We don't condone what he did. And Alex doesn't condone what he did. And I think at this point now it's our jobs to try to help him be as comfortable as he can on the field and try to move past this.

I do not fall into the category of forgiving fans... but that also may come from my previous dislike of A-Rod. But Jeter and Cashman, in the end, are right. They bought A-Rod, now they're stuck with him. They have to support him and stand by him and they are. Here's hoping that all this will be resolved soon and that we can all get back to the game.

It's All in the Genes...

For those of you who know me, and often shake your head at my stupid refusal to cease playing rugby, or snowboarding, or any of the other crazy things I do that often end up in entertaining ER stories... apparently I come by that craziness honestly. My aunt (who, in her 40's, began training for, and has become a Tri-athlete. She is going to be doing one in the Sahara desert...) wrote an interesting post today on her blog:

Speaking of pulling barn doors open. After camp I came to CT to visit my parents before the big snow storm hit. My Mother was very excited when I came in and wanted to know if I would go with her to the racquet club this morning because for the first time in five years she was going to play tennis again! So off I went to the barn to retrieve her old tennis racquets. That barn door is STILL hard to open.

I was sad for my Mom when she gave up tennis. I never knew my Mom without a tennis racquet in her hand and she had one in mine before I was six. I’m not really sure why she quit but I know that the desire to work out or play sports comes from within. But, sometimes you just need the right word from the right person at the right time. My Mom ran into an old friend who runs the Farmington Valley Racquet Club and he talked her into playing. She was nervous and wanted me to come with just in case she couldn’t make it through the hour and a half.

I was worried at first too. Hmm, was she too told to be playing? What if she fell or her heart started to act up? She’s on blood thinners and a bad fall could be very serious. “If I have to go, that’s a good way to go, on the court” she philosophized. I walked her down to the court and hit her a couple of balls. So far so good. She seemed able-body enough for me. But could we pull off playing with some regular players? I watched them do a nice warm up, nothing too hard. She seemed to be hitting fine.

My Mom’s partner was a younger woman who was a very nice player. She did all the back court running and Mom hit anything that came within a couple of steps. When it was my Mom’s turn to serve, she served the ball in like she had never taken a break. 5-love, 30-love, ACE!!! I heard the opponents grumble something about “they sent in a ringer.” I watched her put a couple of net shots away and knew she didn’t need me hanging around and I went up to the viewing area to watch the rest.

Mom and her partner won all three sets. They made a nice duo. Anything short or in the air my mom just put it away and Dotty ran everything down in the back. They ended up winning 6-2, 6-4, 6-4!!! When they were done I was checking on my Mom, how did you feel? Was your heart beating too fast? Were you dizzy? “I think we should go for a swim now, wouldn’t that be nice?” Was her response…..

Oh and the one part I didn’t mention is that on March 3rd my mother turns 88 years old!!! I couldn’t help but take some pictures of her playing. And I have to say Mom that I was and am VERY proud of you!!!! 87 years young and still rumbling!!!!

You can read the full post here.

And you all think I'M crazy?

Obama's First Bill

Woot, woot! Obama's first bill, I have to say, is an impressive step forward for Women's rights. Maybe he really is Super Feminist, after all. According to the news (kudos to CNN for getting a good jump on it, The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act was signed into Law today.

Ledbetter was an employee of Goodyear tires who sued the company for gender discrimination in 1998. She found that, for years, she had been making significantly less than her male co-workers for doing the same work. Her legal victory was overturned by the Supreme Court in 2008.; as a result, it became much more difficult to sue for pay discrimination. The Court decided that such suits needed to be filed within 180 days of the first unfair paycheck (whether you find out 20 years later...).

The Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Restoration Act mandates that you have 180 days to file the suit after the most recent paycheck.

Personally, I still think that's bull. What if you find out after you have left the company? Or retired? I don't think there should be a time limit on when you can file.

But, hey, it's a step in the right direction. At least, after her experience, women (and men, for that matter) might be paying more attention to what's written on their paycheck. Perhaps with enough issue awareness 180 days will prove to be enough. But, somehow... I doubt it.

The point is that, of all the things Obama could have done first, he did chose a pressing issue for women in the United States. I applaud him for that, even though I think he might have gone a little further. Baby steps, right?

Too little, too late

Have I mentioned lately how much I love Salon.com's Broadsheet?

Right on with this one... 'I think she really hit the nail on the head for the most part.

I would like to suggest, however, that the man is trying. He's making the mistake that many Americans currently make when trying to be "inclusive". Being inclusive does not mean that you have a collection of archetypal figureheads of the various races, sexual orientations, religions, genders (and other groupings of humanity). It means that the general environment is such that they all feel comfortable being there. Which, is not easy... but that's the goal.

Goldstein's choice of quotes was absolutely appropriate in this circumstance and pretty much hits the nail on the head:

John Aravosis of Americablog was quick to note that he doesn’t call for people of color to sit down at the table with openly declared racists. The same goes for women and Jews, I would add. You won’t see Obama inviting Ann Coulter to headline a key event, then “balancing” her with an invite to Patricia J. Williams. Ditto for Holocaust denier David Irving and Elie Weisel, or David Duke and Henry Louis Gates.

You're going to aggravate both sides by putting them in such a confrontational position. While I actually disagree with Goldstein that having the two sides sit at the table together is an inherently bad idea (I think it's necessary sometimes), I think this was simply an inappropriate venue. We should be celebrating the inauguration of the first black president. While LBGT issues are as important and as pressing as the issues of racism that exist in this country, can we take a moment to celebrate some of the progress we've made? Certainly we still have a long way to go... but, I mean... did Obama's team REALLY have to inject this kind of controversy into the inauguration? Couldn't they have chosen a moderate to speak? Someone who's not going to actively piss off the extremists on both sides?

Goldstein is absolutely right when she comments that team Obama's remedy to the situation is not really fixing anything. I completely agree we should not give Obama a pass on this one, which is unfortunate, because this should be a moment to celebrate... not to criticize. Bad Obama! Bad!

Remember Kiddies: Hate Everyone Equally, Not Just Because They're Different

Every once in a while when I'm sorting through all the bullshit out there, I find one of those "Duh!" articles that articulates something I've known to be true for quite some time (and considering I'm only 22, that makes me very sad...) The Hartford Courant (I know! I'm as shocked as you are...) just published an article that details a study done on racism. The ultimate results of the study were that most white people claimed not to be prejudiced, but when faced with a real-life example of racism, they sat there and did nothing (and weren't really bothered by what they saw). Best quote:

Unfortunately, he said this may mean that "good people are allowing bad people to create a society that is unfair and unequal by being silent, by being passive."

No shit, Sherlock. But at least someone "credible" has finally said it, even though feminists and civil rights activists have been saying that for years! To paraphrase an old adage (and probably butcher it horribly), a good man who witnesses evil and does nothing is no more good than the man who does evil. If you see something that makes you uncomfortable, that you know to be wrong, say something. Most bigots are actually in the minority, themselves, they simply don't know it!

Other studies have shown that confronting people who make racist remarks does reduce the likelihood of their making such a remark in the future, Dovidio said. He noted that it also has been shown that this is most effective when someone other than the target of the remark does the confronting.

So, there you have it people. Speak up!!! My boyfriend often complains about the other men in his class. He's working to become an electrician and he comments that his class kind of makes him feel like he's 16 years old again, listening to the freshmen in the locker room trying to be tough and cool. He won't tell me what they say most of the time, but he says that their attitudes toward women and minorities are (in his words) "fucking backwards and disgusting". They say things like "ho" and "my bitch", call people n------s, and lots of other horrible and ignorant things. One thing that I love about my boyfriend is that he is probably the most tolerant person in the world. I, myself, am fairly bitter and judgemental of people as a whole (skin color doesn't really register with me... I pretty much hate everyone...) and he, well... he's not. He really tries to see people as multi-dimensional. Even if there is something he does not like about someone, he can usually try to find something else that he does. But, in class, he says that he really can't find anyone he actually likes. Because they all act like bigoted, ignorant pigs. The worst part, he says, is that even though he has vehemently denounced the hate speech that spews out of one fat mouth in particular, no one else has the (ooo, bad feminist bad feminist bad feminist...) balls to stand up and say so, too. More disturbingly, he feels that he is the only one that actually has a problem with it. He has trouble believing it. I don't. Frankly, I hear good people say retarded shit all the time. (I, for one, will admit that I've said bigoted things out of anger and frustration that I really shouldn't have said, that I really don't believe). Most people, I think, don't really understand the implications of their words, or realize that their words are being taken seriously by others. It's hard to be the P.C. straight-edge that can't take a joke. A lot of the time, people are joking. But, you know what? Sometimes it just isn't funny. We all have a line where we know it's just not funny anymore. It's hard to tell. It's not a black and white issue... different people have different standards for what kind of behavior is acceptable and what is not. But we all have those standards. When someone crosses the line with you, you should say something. Hate speech should simply not be tolerated. Thinking less of a person based on that person's race, sexuality, sex, gender, religion, ethnicity, or culture IS NOT FUNNY. So, some stereotypes may be. As a feminist, I don't object to dumb blonde jokes, I really don't. In fact, I know plenty. Male and female. But I do object to people thinking less of a woman because she's a woman. Racism simply isn't funny. And people should sit there and just listen to it and do nothing. Even if you feel like an ass, even if you feel like everyone's going to think you're stupid, SAY SOMETHING. Be brave enough to put a stop to the stupidity and make that bigot realize s/he's in the minority. See how s/he likes it. I would like to add, though (speaking as a white teacher in an inner-city school) that reverse racism is just as pervasive, but not viewed with the same kind of urgency or abhorrence. Racism, whatever your own skin color is, is hating someone and thinking less of that person based on that person's skin color or ethnicity or culture. It doesn't matter if you are white and the other person is black. Or if you are black and the other person is white. Racism cuts both ways. As does sexism. Minorities and women making fun of, or discriminating against, white men isn't okay either. Women who claim that "they hate men" are being just as sexist as men who do the same. That whole "but they've been able to do that to us for years" bullshit is exactly that. Bullshit. Look at people as people, not as stereo-types of their physical traits. They're mostly going to be idiots anyway, being black, or a woman, or an old white man doesn't really matter all that much, on top of it... Give them the benefit of the doubt that they can be that idiotic despite what their skin and genitals look like.