I Said the Magic Words

 Yesterday afternoon:

*Powers That Be* 

"Awww, something good finally happened. So cute!" 

"Well, enough of that now."

The phone rings...

Today:

...

To the powers that be:

P.S. Sober October. And, really, let's face it: sobriety, period, because alcohol and my meds don't mix. And the meds are here to stay. Yet, thinking "I'll never have another drink" makes me want a fucking god damn drink, so, let's make that a November thing.

Fuck.

Poof Balls and Predators

 

As Jake and I wait for them to safely clear the trail, I'm impatient and bordering on frustrated. The merry little poof ball dog trots happily off leash, stopping to sniff every two goddamn feet. 

Jake is in a sit and stay, eyes fixed on the tiny, moving mammal which looks terribly similar to a rabbit at this distance. He spits out the offering of duck jerkey I make for his compliance in the stay. His posture makes clear he'd prefer much fresher game. 

It's chilly and I want to move. The inertia after the brisk pace we'd just been traveling makes my muscles want to cramp. Jake wants to stand for the same reason; the sit is uncomfortable for him. So is the harness. Yet, we sit and stay, as patiently as we can. He's watching that pom pom dog thinking "chase catch shake eat". I know because I've seen him take out a skunk so ruthlessly efficiently the poor thing never had a chance to spray. 

I can see my car across the field. I'm anxious to get home. I am expecting a call from the veterinarian to discuss Sadie's x-ray results. We're both fairly certain it's her other ACL this time, but the swelling in her knee prevented the vet from testing the ligaments, and diagnostic imaging is necessary to confirm. There's likely arthritis to contend with. Her and me, both, baby. I've done both knees, too, and the cold and the still is making my own arthritis ping.

I wonder what the other woman is thinking as she meanders right by the "Dogs must be on leash at all times" sign. Is she wondering why that strange, stressed looking woman is standing awkwardly paused on the connecting side trail? Or wonder why her big, goofy looking shepherd is staring down her merry little puppy? She's aware this is a wildlife sanctuary, right? There are more dangerous creatures than Jake in these woods. "Stay on the path. Be bear aware!" reads another sign.

In spring and summer, wildflowers grow here, along the main path, before you reach the woods. Song birds and insects make the tall grass buzz and hum and chirp. It's October, now, the forest leaves are brilliant golds and rusts and ochre and the field is freshly mowed. I know walkers are not permitted to cross it. Nor do I particularly want to cross it, considering I just brushed three bright red ticks off Jake's legs and I can see purple bramble thorns next to my boot. 

The little white foo foo pup trots down the hill off the other side of the main path, and the woman follows, unsteadily wobbling down the steep incline. "Lady, come on," I say to no one. 

It's safer for both of us if I cross the field, back to my car. An owner this oblivious is not going to be helpful if the merry little poof decides to come say hello. It's a very friendly looking little poof. My catastrophically inclined imagination reminds me it will be a very dead little poof if something goes wrong and I fail to restrain Jake. 

She's gotta notice us up here, right? I'm giving her the human equivalent of Jake's stare. She babbles happily in a high voice as her precious little poopsie fertilizes the grass, somewhere out of sight. She waddles back up the hill, then turns, calling to her unseen pup, who does not appear.

I'm in dread of the moment of the little dog innocently ascends up the slope, spots Jake and me, and runs right for us barking merrily...

I opt for the field, brambles and all. No dead poofs today, lady. 

Safe in my car, exhausted after practically dragging my 85 pound Anatolian the length of a football field, I note there is shit on my boot. And ticks crawling up my pant legs. 

Good luck with the bears, Lady. You'll need it.

It's That Easy...

 

Beginnings are easy. They are full of excitement and life, the eagerness that accompanies departure on a new journey. Endings, too, have a potential energy that enlivens; the thrill of reaching the final destination that beckons the creator to begin. It's the middle parts, the important parts, really, that have always tripped me up. 

Let's see if I've actually learned anything useful over the years of trial and error, from all the unfinished beginnings and endings. Whatever you find in these words of mine, I hope that if it's not wisdom, you at least had a good time.

Welcome Home, Jake!

So, after only being a foster mom for a few months... I have my first foster fail. Welcome to the family, Jake!

Courtesy of Double Dog Rescue http://www.doubledogrescue.org

Yes, he's an adorable mushy face, isn't he?

He's fit so perfectly into our routine... I brought him to rugby with me last night and he just laid in the grass, watching us quietly. SUCH a good boy! Sadie is in LOVE. They like to cuddle and share marrow bones and drink from the same bowl. And... yes, I know, I'm obsessed.

There's no better cure for what ails your soul than puppy love.

Life's Little Messes

I returned home after my workout this morning close to tears. I am just. so. tired.

Tired of feeling behind the 8 ball. Tired of trying and failing and trying and failing and trying again to get on top of my eating habits and general health and well-being. Tired of cleaning. Tired of studying. Tired of hospitals and courtrooms and grief and worry and sadness.

As I threw a urine-soaked towel (our newest foster/maybe forever dog, Jake/Hutch, isn't potty trained yet) into the washing machine, I realized...

Tired... but, closer to happy than I've ever been.

My messy house, my messy dogs, my messy husband, my messy desk at work, my messy study desk, my messy car, my messy personal life, my messy family... They're a mess... but MY mess. I own my own home. I'm married to a wonderful man. I love my dog(s). I belong to more than one tight-knit community of friends/co-workers/teammates/colleagues.

This is the life I've been given. I only have one. It's messy, but it's mine. There's only so much in my day that I can control... and what I do have control over is pretty damn good sometimes.

So, yes, I'm tired, and my life's a mess, but, it's my life, and I'm living it the best I can.

Carry On

I keep saying I'll start writing again... no day like the present, eh?

I'm not religious - at all - but, on day's like today, I find it's useful to count my blessings, as my mom would (and does) advise.

This week - well, the past few years, really - this week has been especially trying... an important deadline approaches swiftly that means a lot for my family's future, my uncle has started chemo-therapy to treat an inoperable tumor, and a very dear friend was in a serious motorcycle accident and remains in the hospital. On cloudy days like today when the dark clouds on the horizon threaten to open up and pour, it's hard to remain cheerful even in the best of times. It's damn near impossible today. But, in the words of Pollyana, let's play the glad game... (If you haven't seen that movie - see it!!)

- law school is done for the semester and I don't have to open another law book until August
- Steve and I managed to get two new rose bushes planted in the yard and trimmed the other two; my yard will be full of roses in a few weeks
- I've managed to work out/do something active/physical EVERY DAY this past week while I do the Whole Life Challenge
- I've been making significantly better choices when I eat; even though I'm far from where I want to be, I'm making good progress.
- Sadie Mayhem has been an ANGEL lately
- I seem to have that phantom abdominal pain beat! I haven't felt it at all since my surgery last month
- My knee still hurts - but, I'm getting closer to figuring that out, too.
- I get a new foster puppy this weekend who is absolutely adorable!

And above all...
- I have an awesome community of friends and family. No matter what, we surround each other with love and support. We'll get through it.

When you're down, you're not out until you're out of blessings, right? Carry on.

- Carp

You'll Love David's Bridal

Okay, so from the beginning I wasn't really crazy about my wedding dress. It felt like I was compromising and picking something because I had to... but at the time I bought it, I felt like it looked good on me, at least, and that I would be content wearing it. (Bought it at David's Bridal. LOVED my consultant - and she helped me pick out another dress for a formal I had to attend).

So, I went in for my fitting today. Can you say: Total Meltdown?

I got up on the pedestal, looked at myself in the mirror, and just started sobbing. (It didn't help that I felt like a pro football player trying to squeeze into a dainty, plain little gown and was standing next to this gorgeous petite little woman who looked like an angel in her fabulous, extravagant dress).

I just hated the way I looked. Hated the dress. Hated my body. Hated everything.

The women at David's Bridal could not have been more helpful and sympathetic and caring had they been my own family. My mom was there with me - she compared the women to the mice in the Disney version of Cinderella when they are making her the gown for the ball. The new consultant working with me (mine wasn't in yet) told me (in her VERY thick latin accent). "We won't stop til j'you say YES! to the dress!" (which had my mother cracking up).

They literally tore the store apart looking for the perfect dress for me. I tried on a bunch and finally found one I sort of could stand. It's tea length, simple, yet very elegant. But my consultant didn't stop there - she brought out different colored sashes to tie around the waist and actually picked out my shoes. I loved both and started really getting into the dress. She finally found the exact right sash - put it on me, had me put on my shoes, and put silk flowers in my hair. I finally felt like a bride.

And if that weren't enough, they actually let me return the other dress and shoes and accessories. (Which, I hear, is unheard of for this company). With the exchanges of the dress, shoes, etc. we only had to pay $150 to get THE dress and all the trimmings.

They were unbelievably kind and caring and wonderful. I could not be more thankful to them. (Or to my mom, who was a wonderful sport about the whole thing). I felt like an ass standing up there and crying - but the staff at DB made me feel like a .... well, bride isn't the right word. They made me feel beautiful again.

Endurance

So, it's no surprise to anyone who knows me well (or has known me long enough...) that my biggest athletic/health demon has always been cardio endurance - and the mental toughness that goes along with it. It has been the achilles heel of my progression as an athlete since the time I was in high school. And now, I am finally tackling that demon...

And it freaking sucks.

Yes, coincidentally I am dancing with my demon in the months before my wedding, but this is not just about slimming down to look good in my dress (which will be a nice, perk, of course...). No - this is about reaching my goals as an athlete - and, more importantly, about finally getting healthy.

The whole reason I've always worked with personal trainers is because I am mentally weak when it comes to maintaining and enhancing my own fitness off the playing field (whether it was soccer, or now rugby). I need someone to hold me accountable for my actions - I simply will not do it on my own. This is in enormous contrast to the way I operate academically and professionally. (I wish I could explain why, but above all else I think it comes down to fear of physical pain and low self body image.) Unfortunately, even with physical trainers, I have stuck to ones who have tended to cut me slack and let me control the intensity of the butt kicking I receive. While I've done very well with those trainers in the past (especially Melanie - I could never have recovered as well or as quickly from my last ACL tear without her help), I've really only succeeded in maintaining a level of fitness, or returning to a level of fitness from which I have fallen - not increasing it.

Well, no more. My new trainer, John, is absolutely kicking my butt. And it's hard - not just physically. Physically, I can handle, up to a certain point. It is at that point where the pain becomes a mental block, not a physical block, where I stumble.

I simultaneously love and despise him for making me face my own weaknesses. (Though, I do wish he would appreciate the fact that I am well aware of what they are, in the first place... and trust that I know the difference between pain and discomfort.) He is absolutely correct that I need to push through the discomfort and stop babying my injuries. However... the injuries (the tendonitis in my elbow and shoulder) became so bad because I ignored them and pushed through them over the winter. My elbow has been hurting for over a year, now... I am tired of being held back by injuries.

I am going to push through as much as I can... but I am very much afraid of setting myself back. I don't think I'll be able to stand another season on the sideline.

So, is my lack of endurance a  physical problem? Or is it mental? During the rugby match - nothing seemed to hurt. In the gym, I feel every ache and spasm. Is it mere adrenaline that allows me to push through during those precious 80 minutes - an adrenaline which I lack during the 45 in the gym? Or is it something else?

I know that I am mentally tough - well, mentally strong, I should say. I wouldn't be going to law school if I weren't. (Oh yeah, I got into Qunnipiac! And won a merit scholarship. Still waiting to hear from UCONN.) Why does that same mental strength fail me in the middle of a plank or on the treadmill?

Well, I guess we'll see...

The Picture of Dorian Gray

I just finished the novel tonight. While I think the story was brilliant (the idea of it, the events of the plot), I think it was a rather poorly executed novel. Wilde seemed much more interested in describing the extravagances that Dorian collected than the sins that actually corrupted his soul. His sins were merely alluded to, never described. It surely must have been because of the time in which Wilde lived - explicit descriptions of the actions missing in the story would have been considered too vulgar to print. However, (and perhaps it is because of time time in which this reader lives) I would be much more interested in the down and dirty details of Dorian's corruption (which could be elegantly and classily described with enough art) than the rather lengthy and boring descriptions of the jewels and tapestries which fascinated him.

I have to say, I absolutely loved the character of Lord Henry (Harry). The quotes of his I found interesting are far too numerous to list and explore here, but suffice it to say that his sardonic, sarcastic, cynical view of society and humanity to be amusing and, sometimes, quite insightful.

The overall message I took away from the novel is that Dorian Gray was an empty page, a blank canvas; it was not from within that he was corrupted, but from the influences of those without - Basil and Harry. Much like the portrait took the brunt of the corruption of age and sin for Dorian, Dorian himself was the visual representation of Basil's and Harry's own sins.

Long story short - loved the story, the plot, the characters, but not Wilde's style of writing nor the topics he chose to emphasize.

Writing Fail - Life Winning!

So, more excuses as to why I have not been updating. At least there are some decent ones:

I have been applying to law school. I was accepted to Quinnipiac and awarded a merit scholarship for half the cost of the tuition. Yay! I am waiting to hear back from UCONN - but I visited Quinnipiac yesterday and really fell in love with the campus. If I am accepted to UCONN - they'll have to offer me more money to draw me away from Quinnipiac. :)

Steve has been working his butt off working for my parents, as well as pursuing his firefighter career. He finally for his EMT certification. He starts with ASM (an ambulance service) on Tuesday. I'm very proud of him!

I've been working really hard at the gym despite several setbacks. My neck, shoulder, and elbow have been giving me trouble. I've been in and out of Physical Therapy - but it is really helping. I'm feeling much better - probably about 85/90%. Just hoping I can get back to full strength by next weekend - it's our first rugby match against Northshore.

I've also been working with a new personal trainer; Melanie left Big Sky to pursue a new opportunity at a young athlete centered training center. It's right up her alley and I'm really excited for her. A little upset that she's leaving, because I worked so well with her... but I plan on getting the rugby team into her facility to train, and train myself when I have the funds.

My new trainer is a bit of a hard-ass, so far, but I think it's what I need. I got a hell of a workout in our first training session ( I was team training - by accident - with a young man around my age. I think he said he does some sort of fighting? I want to say UFC, but, I don't remember exactly). I think John (the new trainer) was impressed that I was able to keep up. My quads haven't burned this badly since college! It's not exactly a love match like it was with Melanie, but if he keeps working me this hard, I'm confident I will be able to achieve my fitness (and, oh yeah, wedding... blah) goals.

I've actually been running on my own, too. I know. Shocker. But since I did that 5k with Connie and she showed me her run/walk technique, it's really been working for me. I don't think I've been this cardio-fit in years.

Also started doing yoga with my friend Hannah. I can't believe I'm actually enjoying it. It's a really nice stretch and is helping me to relax. I'm hoping it will help to improve my flexibility. It would be nice to actually be able to touch my heels to my butt again... 

And it's all been working, despite the afore mentioned setbacks. I've lost six pounds since January, and I'm finally starting to slim down up top. It makes me a little self conscious about my belly - but, it's really not looking too bad. Back down to a size 10 - even a size 8 in certain brands.

Really excited to go back to school. Really excited to be playing rugby again. And really proud and excited for Steve. Overall, feeling pretty good. Life seems to be on track.

And... oh yeah... wedding planning is okay. Blech.

New Year - Old Habits

Okay, so I failed my own goal of posting at least once a month last year... let's see if I can do it in 2011.

Taking a look back at 2010 - it was a pretty big year of change for the Carps. This little Carp got engaged, one uncle Carp came home, one Momma Carp made roast beef, one future hubby Carp had none, and you'll say WHEE when I've finished this poem.  (Sorry, haven't gotten much sleep in the past couple of days).

I SHOULD be trying to give some perspective on the national, world, and personal goings on of the past year... but, you know what? Screw it. While there were some good parts to it, as a whole, I'm glad to see 2010 done. I'm also not going to do the whole "resolutions" thing. It's a load of crap, and I've never once made it to February.

I'm just going to keep on doing what I've been doing: working hard, thinking about my future, taking steps where I can to secure it. I am going to try to keep losing weight and slowly moving towards a healthier lifestyle. I've already made a good start - no need for resolutions, just gotta keep on keepin' on.

Here's to 2011 - may it NOT be a year of HUGE change... just little baby steps forward.

Conversations about Diversity

I read a really inspiring article in the New York Times over the summer (and yes... I am just getting to it now). It tells the story of how one student was brave enough (with the backing of his school's faculty) to comment on the lack of diversity at his elite high school. He really hit the nail on the head, I believe, when he said

“If you truly believe that the demographics of Hunter represent the distribution of intelligence in this city,” he said, “then you must believe that the Upper West Side, Bayside and Flushing are intrinsically more intelligent than the South Bronx, Bedford-Stuyvesant and Washington Heights. And I refuse to accept that.”

It is truly inspiring to see such acute insight into the workings of school admissions and the state of education, especially from a high school senior.

I went to two different elite private high schools and an elite private college. I can honestly say that all of those schools struggled with issues in Diversity. The main problem was (and still is) that kids from more affluent school districts have access to better education and are better prepared to take the entrance exams that will get them into even better schools. Kids from poorer neighborhoods and struggling schools do not have the same opportunities or access - despite having the same intelligence, creativity, and intrinsic academic ability as their more affluent classmates. And, in this country, our class system lies heavily along racial lines.

It was the same when I taught at Covenant. My students were predominantly black and hispanic. All of my kids were smart, creative, gifted in their own ways... but they never would have been able to do well on the entrance exams to typical elite middle school programs. They hadn't been trained in test taking, or taught how to write effectively. There was a great deal that my kids didn't know that their suburban peers did... but it was not, as Hunter points out, because kids in the suburbs are smarter. It is because the kids in the suburbs are being taught more. And my boys' willingness and eagerness to learn (as well as their astounding improvement in a short period of time) really demonstrates that.

Quick Update: Rugby, weddings, and getting smart

Hello September. Goodbye September. This month has been going so quickly! Between rugby, wedding planning, work and class it seems like I blinked and summer suddenly disappeared.

I'm loving being a student again. Before I apply to law school, I decided to take a "warm up class". I'm auditing a philosophy class at Trinity with one of my favorite professors. It's rather strange being back in class with college students... you wouldn't think that two years would make much of a difference, but they seem so young! And timid! Most of the kids in the class are very quiet. I'm not sure if it is because of the size of the class (30 is HUGE for a philosophy course) or whether it is because the professor is sort of intimidating (she's really not - but she's very passionate and that scares people sometimes), but the discussions usually start very slowly and it takes the students a while to get into it. But I'm enjoying watching them learn. I definitely think I'm on the right track with a career in academia.

Steve's EMT class has started and he is supposed to be hearing from the Simsbury Volunteer Fire Department soon. We're hoping to get a place in Simsbury once he gets a position with them.

Rugby is going well for both Trinity and the Roses. The Roses brought home a big W this weekend against Burlington (we REALLY needed that) and Trinity's team gets stronger every week.

THE dress - photo from Etsy.com

Wedding planning is up and going again after a brief hiatus. We've decided on a color pallette and I think I've found THE dress. Now to get fitted... and hopefully it will look good on me!I've been working very hard at the gym, and even though I haven't lost pounds (rugby muscle!) I seem to have lost inches. Feeling pretty good overall.

Right now, we're working on designing and sending out Save the Date postcards. Hopefully those will go out by mid to late October. Official inviations will be sent out by Thanksgiving (I hope!)

That's all for now... more when I get a chance to breathe!

Happy Times

Sometimes the universe just speaks to you. I've been so stressed lately - what with the goings on in my personal life, the economy, studying my butt off... I decided this morning that I was going to try to focus on the things that bring me pleasure and make me happy. And the New York Times decided, apparently, to do an article on Happiness. But Will It Make You Happy? focuses mainly on the relationship between consumer spending and happiness. Researchers have found that money, as the old saying goes, is not the route to happiness; rather, it is how we spend it. According to the article, people who spend their money on lots of material possessions (games, cars, clothes, etc) are not as happy as people who spend their money on experiences (trips, concerts, dining/drinking with friends). The simple conclusion is that social relationships are really the main source of human happiness, and having enough money to make memories with friends and family is the true joy of wealth.

The article describes the ways in which shopping CAN make you happy and how businesses are using that to boost their sales, but that was not what interested me. When thinking about the things that really make me happy, I found that it really was experiences with friends and family. And yes, I had to spend money to have those experiences - but it wasn't the spending that make me happy; it was the experience and the memory of it.

Things that have made me happy lately:

-Lilith Fair
I had been looking forward to going since I heard it was touring sometime back over the winter. My dad got "VIP" seats for Steve and me (which, at the Meadows... sorry COMCAST Theatre) means that you are close to the stage and can have waiters bring you drinks. Considering we didn't really have enough for many drinks, this was not really a benefit (the drinks are expensive as hell and now you have to tip, as well??). Thanks to Facebook, I realized some of my rugby friends were also at the concert - they were camped out on the lawn. So up to the lawn we went, and we spent the rest of the night enjoying ourselves (courtesy of the people whose blanket we took over - I can't BELIEVE they were so nice about it. I would have flipped...) with our friends in the cheap seats. We shared cigarettes and beer with the women behind us who let us sit on their blanket, sang loudly, danced inappropriately, and had a blast. The concert itself was awesome - we saw Sara Barelis, Ingrid Michaelson, Missy Higgins, The Indigo Girls, and Sarah Sarah McLachlan. The most amazing part to me was when all of the artists were together on stage to sing "Closer to Fine" (by the Indigo Girls). Seeing some of the originals from Lilth Fair in the nineties singing with the newer generation of artists they inspired was incredible. It was really like the older artists were passing the torch to the newer and it was a heartfelt and inspiring celebration of female musicians. It meant even more to be there with the people I love.

-Black Dog beach
My parents bought a beach house last summer in South Kingston, RI. (The house was actually mentioned in an article in RI Monthly. Pretty sweet.) That house is like a little slice of paradise. I love going down there on the weekends. My favorite memory up until this past weekend was definitely the rugby party we had during NERFU this past spring... but this weekend was pretty cool. Our neighbors have two beautiful black labs (Ollie and Ella) that love coming over to visit and play with our dogs. We have our own black lab, Guenivere (Gwennie, for short), a mastiff-lab mix, Merlin, and a toy poodle, Lily. All of them are black (except for Merlin, who has a beautiful brindle coat... but his fur is mostly black). At one point, I was throwing the ball for all of four of the big dogs. As Steve said, there were enough dogs on the beach that you could actually have said "Relase the hounds!". Seeing their little doggy gang having fun on the sand and on the surf really made me feel good. I love dogs - and our corner of the beach is like a giant dog park. People like to walk down the beach with their pups - and ours love to greet every passer-by. It's really cool.

Of course, RI also has the Ocean Mist. I LOVE going to the Ocean Mist on Sunday mornings for brunch. It feels so decadent to have a margarita at 9:00 (and you MUST get there by 9, or else there's no way you're getting a seat). I always get the Crab Benny (eggs benedict with crab) and the Georgia Peach and Sweet Vidalia Onion hot sauce. Getting to gorge and drink while watching the ocean crash right below us is one of my favorite things in the world to do.


I think the NYT article is spot on when they say it's the experiences you have that make purchases worth while.

Warning: Long Angry Rant About Politics Ahead.

It is my belief that an educated populace is the backbone of a free and democratic society. Ignorance is a kind of tyranny that strangles the very life out of nation. Ignorance comes in many forms, but the worst, I believe, is the fear of new ideas: the fear of being wrong.
I am writing on this topic, today, because I am frustrated with the ways in which our political system is currently operating. People blame our current leadership… what they seem to forget is that WE ELECTED THEM!!! We live in a Democracy! Leaders are only in power because we put them there!! We have a choice and we have a voice… and yet we let the talking heads do all our thinking!!

I would argue that the majority of our population does not even THINK about how they actually feel politically... They simply go along with what the talking heads of media and politics are saying (on BOTH sides of the aisle).
When we're growing up, we learn our values from the adult authority figures in our lives (our parents, our care-takers, our teachers, our coaches...). If all of those figures are saying pretty much the same thing and those views are not challenged by anyone we like or respect... well, we simply grow up to mirror and parrot those same authority figures.
Let me tell you a story:
I was teaching in an Americorps program in Hartford in 2008 during the election. It was really interesting listening to my kids talk about politics. My students were all male, between the ages of 9 and 14, and predominately black and hispanic. I can't think of a single child that wasn't in favor of Obama. I was, at first, pleased by this because I thought that it demonstrated that the youth were growing up with more socially tolerant values... but then, I began to realize that they didn't understand WHY they wanted Obama to win. I would ask them "Why Obama?" They would look at me as if I had nine heads. So I changed gears: "Okay, so why is Obama a better choice than Edwards or Clinton to represent the Democrats?" First off, they had no concept of the way our two party system functions. Second, the majority of students said they had no idea where any of the candidates stood on any of the issues... they wanted Obama to win because he was black and their parents wanted him to win.
You're probably saying, "Well, they're KIDS. How can we expect them to understand our political system, or be able to make intelligent, informed political decisions about the candidates?" Point taken.
But at what age should they be expected to understand? At what age should we start to teach them?

This past fall, I coached girls’ high school soccer. Even when they weren’t aware I was listening (which was often the case…) I was very carefully listening to what they had to say. The topic of politics rarely came up, but I found, more often than not, they, too, simply parroted what they’d heard on the radio or from their parents. I was dismayed at the amount of ignorance concerning issues that would directly affect their futures (healthcare, education, student loans, etc.) and even more dismayed to find that the overwhelming attitude was that of complete apathy.
And some of the girls were of age to vote.
When I first entered college, I wasn't sure how I felt about anything politically. I grew up in a Republican household (my mother was actually a campaign manager for the Connecticut branch of George H.W. Bush's campaign). Now, you're going to make certain assumptions about my parents' political views because of their political affiliation. You're probably wrong.
I learned every social value that made me want to become a Democrat from my parents. They are very fiscally conservative (they own their own insurance company) - that's why they're Republicans. However, they are disgusted by the social values of the mainstream Republican politicians. I was taught from a very early age that I don't have the right to judge anyone else. Period. Not based on race, or on sex, or on sexuality, or intelligence (though, I REALLY struggle with that last one, I'll be honest). I have no idea what they've been through in life and no one is perfect. They strongly believe that the government has no right to tell people what they can or cannot do in the privacy of their homes - and even if you don't like what your neighbor is up to... you have no right to interfere unless your neighbor poses a threat to your life, liberty, or property.
As I said, before college, I didn't know how I felt about anything politically - I simply parroted my parents’ views. When I first got to college, I still was parroting their views - but found that the party that fit most of my views was the Democratic party. So, when it came time to vote, I registered Democrat.
My parents were actually shocked. I remember having long conversations about who to vote for in the upcoming election (2004, Bush v Kerry). My parents were going to vote for Bush and I said I was voting for Kerry. I don't remember all that we said, but my parents asked why. It was the first time I didn't go along with their views (mostly because I was being exposed to new people, in college, and new points of view). They didn't browbeat me and tell me I was stupid for disagreeing... but they challenged me to defend my view. I didn't agree with many financial policies of the Democrats at that time (and still don't...) but I could not support a party that was against gay marriage or anti-abortion. We would talk for hours - on the phone, in the car, by email... discussing politics and challenging each other's views.
In the fall... my parents voted Democrat for the first time. EVER. And this past year, they voted for Obama. (They're still registered Republicans, so they voted McCain in the primary). I’m not saying I was right and my parents were wrong… I just think it’s really cool that they were willing to have a discussion with me… and actually changed their minds. That’s how a political system is supposed to function… with people talking to each other, listening to each other, and making a decision together.
And is that not how a Democracy is supposed to function? It’s not just majority rule… it’s an educated populace coming together to decide what is best. You have to be able to have a discussion before you vote… make an INFORMED choice.
The goal of Education is to not only give knowledge (which is important in making decisions) but also how to teach people how to think. Thinking is not just absorbing knowledge and regurgitating it. Thinking is absorbing knowledge, processing it, and using it to make decisions. You can’t be Ignorant if you actually make an informed decision, even if it turns out to be the wrong one in the end.
And that is something that is missing from our political system and media analysis these days. On BOTH sides.
I cannot stand it when a person cannot defend or explain his or her beliefs – especially when the person is vehement about them. If you cannot defend or explain your belief then you don’t understand why you believe it… and if can’t understand why, then you shouldn’t believe you’re Right and others are Wrong.
There is far too much evidence on being Right or Wrong in our two party system. Republicans won’t listen to Democrats, Democrats won’t go along with Republicans because the other side is Wrong and we are Right.
Politicians are constantly arguing “The American People want this…” or the “American People don’t want that…” And as Jon Stewart pointed out the other day… we seem to contradict ourselves...
But, unfortunately, the majority of our people don’t seem to actually take the time to think or decide for themselves. We let our politicians decide for us. The American People listen, with all the blind faith of the truly ignorant, to the loudest voices and take their words as absolute authority without actually thinking about what they believe.
And then we get pissed off because things aren’t going the way we want them to.

So, my point in this long rant?
I wanted to write about how the two-party system does not provide a political framework in which the diverse interests of the American People can be represented. I wanted to write about how I wish there were more parties that better provided for the complexity and dynamisim of our population.
But, I realized that no matter how many political parties we have, the problem is not the system, it is the participants. No matter what political parties or leaders arise, a democracy takes an educated and informed populace to function. We cannot blame anyone but ourselves for the crappy state of our nation right now… because we elected the leaders who are responsible for making the decisions that lead us here.
We (technically) live in a democratic republic… but how can democracy function here when less than 1% of our population controls the majority (I can’t remember the exact percentage, so I’m not going to make something up) of our wealth? Especially when we live in a capitalist nation where wealth is power. Doesn’t that sound like an oligarchy?
How can democracy function when the majority of our population (and I am very sad to admit this given my own religious beliefs…) is trying to force their religion into our legal system? Laws banning gay marriage, fights against abortion, fights against the teaching of evolution… all of these things really belong in the cultural and social arenas. Yet, people want to use the power of law to enforce their own beliefs… most of which come down to religious beliefs… I mean, doesn’t that sound a bit like a theocracy?

Our founding fathers decided long enough that our country was to be a free country, where the people get to decide who leads them and the people get to vote on the issues that matter most to them. They specifically provided for the separation of church and state and for freedom of speech… which sounds to me like they wanted us to actually have discussions about the best way to move forward.
Democracy thrives on diversity and discussion… it assumes that there is no right or wrong way to go about doing things. The foundation of democracy is people coming together to decide how to do things. The people will decide what is right and what is wrong... And we’re not doing that. We’re letting only a few members of our population do that for us.
I guess I’m frustrated because the foundations of our society (our constitution, our laws) rock (for the most part... we're still working on it...) We have anti-discimination laws, we don't have laws banning anyone from voting because of race or gender or sexuality or religion... but people are still disciminated against and people still don't vote. Our social attitudes and our stubborn ignorance make it so that our laws oftentimes don’t matter.
It doesn’t matter what the rules of the game are if the players ignore them.
Again, my point? Ignorance is the ultimate enemy of Democracy. Right now, the American People are acting like a bunch of idiots and I’m pissed off.

I’m even more pissed off because I have no idea what to do about it.

Soon... Every Day Will Be a Rugby Day!

Amazing article in the NY Times this past weekend! Rugby, itself, is one of the fastest growing sports in the US... and, according to the Times "Women make up the fastest-growing segment of rugby players in the United States". So far there are only a couple of schools with rugby as a varsity sport, but the NCAA gave women's rugby "emerging sport status" in 2002, which allows Division I programs to give up to 12 scholarships for women to play.

Rugby has been getting a lot of press and attention lately... but mostly the men. There was a lot of buzz about rugby back in March since the US hosted the international Seven's tournament in Las Vegas. And the men's world cup will be in New Zealand for 2011. It is incredible to see an article like this about women's rugby, especially in the New York Times! The women's world cup will be held in England this year in August and September.

(A couple of my teammates on the Roses)

 

The only problem I had with the article is the problem I usually have when people who don't know rugby talk about rugby: they make it all about the manliness of the women playing. Everyone expects women to shy away from contact, and most sports punish women who are agressive (no checking in hockey, and I don't know a great deal about lacrosse... but just take a look in the difference in padding. Mean wear helmets and shoulder pads, women just have the goggles...). So, of course, there's going to be a lot of emphasis purely on the contact nature of the sport... and how that makes women sort of manly...but there is a lot more to it.

I was finding it hard to articulate exactly why this was bothering me until I read this article. (Yes, it's another Salon article. I REALLY like them, okay?!) Women in athletics are stepping outside of gender norms, and it's often difficult for us. No matter how "feminine" you try to make the sport (by making the fields smaller, different rules, skirts for uniforms...) the concept of competition seems to be something that our society consitutes as a part of the "male" sphere. Women are supposed to cooeperate, not compete. And they are especially not suppopsed to engage in contact.

One of the things I love most about rugby is that we don't try to pretend we're doing anyting other than breaking the gender barrier. We don't just break it. We smash it. Hard. And we call it "smaking a bitch".

There are a lot of women playing rugby who are openly gay; which gives us a distinct advantage over program like the one described in the artile. We don't hide who we are, and we make it very clear that if you don't like it, you can go fuck yourself.

Female rugby players, straight or gay, are open people, in general. The sport, itself, attracts people who are big, loud, and proud. You have to be in order to have the confidence to do the things that are physically necessary. When you're attempting to take out a woman who is twice your size, bigger, and stronger than you... you need to be confident. To fend off someone attempting to rip your head off takes a certain amount of courage and dedication. Someone calling you a dyke just doesn't seem important in comparision. Someone accusing you of being a lesbian because you play a "manly" sport just doesn't seem to matter. Especially if you are one...

Because rugby players are so very open about everything, not just their sexuality, it makes for a very open, supportive environment. Bigots need not apply; you are not welcome. Rugby has certainly changed who I am simply by allowing me to BE who I have always been, and be happy about it.

Another thing I LOVE about rugby is the fact that the women's game is no different from the men's. We have the exact same rules, same uniforms, same size field, same size ball, and same expectations. Male rugby players are not always the most progressive or welcoming bunch... (in fact, there is a lot of homophobia, racism, and sexism to be found in male rugby clubs, I am sad to say), but, they are very aware that the women can kick just as much ass as they can. Whatever is said in the locker room, I (personally) have never been treated with anything less than a professional respect by male rugby players. They respect the fact that they do what they do. And they do support us, in their own way. They may not always be comfortable dating us (and may be upset about the fact that most of us don't want to date them...) but they drink with us, socialize with us, and cheer us on.

Rugby is the most popular sport in the world. I think it's because we are truly a community sport. Tell anyone you're a rugby player in almost any bar in the world and songs will be sung, drinks will be bought. Whether you are male or female, you belong to a big, worldwide family that is welcoming you in and  cheering you on. When you feel that kind of love, that unconditional support and belief from others that you can do it...  you realize there is nothing you can't do.

Perhaps this is what people find so threatening about confident women, and why we are so afraid of women athletes. Once we figure out what we're capable of, society no longer has the ability to tell us who we are, or what we should be. We will figure it out for ourselves... and then kick your ass.



On a personal note, I am well into my fifth month, post reconstructive surgery. I've starting running again, and working out at the gym. I feel fantastic, and I've just been cleared to start sprinting and training at pace. I practiced with the Roses last night (we didn't do a lot of contact so I was able to get in on every drill) and it felt so good to be back! I should be able to play again in August. :)

I didn't blog much about my rehab after the surgery. I had a VERY hard time with it. I was in a lot of pain and very depressed... it was hard to get myself to do much except grit my teeth and get through it. The surgery was a success (obviously), but it sucked to go through. My doctors are wonderful people and have been very very supportive. I wouldn't have made it this far without their support, as well as the support of my physical therapists, teammates, fiancee and parents. Everyone has been so awesome, and I don't know how else to repay you for your faith in me except by working as hard as I can to get out there and start kicking ass again.

Thank you, especially, to my mom and to Steve. Without their constant supply of ice bags and advil, I would not have been able to recover. Love you guys!

Wedding Update: We Have a Date!!!

June 11, 2011 at the Interlaken Inn.

More details to come...

Quick Wedding Update

My parents, Steve and I drove up to the Interlaken Inn yesterday to check it out. It's not exactly as I had pictured... but nothing ever is. It was beautiful, the staff was very nice, and the reception hall/guest accomodations were awesome. And they have the date we want. (10/10/10!!!)

I only hesitate because the beautiful lake-side ceremony I had pictured in my head is not going to jive with the space they actually have. There isn't much room by the lake, and reall you can only have a traditional aisle. I really want to have a peace-sign shaped "aisle" so that my FH and I can be escorted by our parents simultaneously and meet in the center (then go down the rest of the aisle together).

There are other options at the Interlaken, we don't HAVE to do the ceremony by the lake. There are other lawns that might work... but, they're not as pretty... so... I dunno.

So far, they're still my favorite venue, but we're still looking. I definitely want an inn/hotel with an outdoor setting that can accomodate up to 200 people if necessary. We're in CT, so if you know of any places that would fit the bill, let me know!

Deciding Between Venues and Themes

Okay, so things are actually happening! We've narrowed it down to two venues, either the Interlaken Inn in Lakeville, CT or the Inn at Mystic in Mystic, CT.




They're both beautiful and will accommodate our specific needs - it mostly depends on which one has better availability. We want the wedding to take place this October, so we're sort of at the mercy of the venues' calendars.

I'm usually not into themes... but sometimes it makes the planning easier (plus, I made a deal with my parents that if they got more say in the reception, Steve and I could do our handfasting ceremony). My mom is a fan of something Victorian-esque, Steve is leaning towards an Oktoberfest inspired reception, and I'd like something Celtic inspired to go with the handfasting.

I'm torn... I like elements of all three. I wonder if there is a way to combine them all without having it just be a mish-mash? My mom knows I'm a boot girl at heart... so she wanted to have me wear Victorian style ankle boots with buttons. She also loved the idea of some sort of cape with a hood over a very simple dress. I was looking up pictures of the cape... and found one that was over a very pretty Celtic style dress. And I also loved the wreath of flowers instead of a veil.





My FH brews his own beer, and suggested that he could brew an Oktoberfest style for the wedding. He's not into wearing the leiderhosen... but, he likes the idea of incorporating his German heritage.


So, decisions, decisions... any thoughts on how we can combine these different elements?

Carp n Smeck Are Getting Married!

Yep. It's official. Steve and I are tying the knot. Literally.

We've been talking about this for a couple of years actually. We knew we wanted to get married eventually, but we wanted to wait until things were a little more secure job-wise, etc. But, we figured: why wait? About the only thing that we know for certain is that we want to be together... so why not? (We also both have eldery family members that are not in the greatest of health and we know that it would mean a lot to them to be able to witness the event...)

So yeah. It hasn't really sunk in yet. I think we're both still in a little bit of shock. The term fiancee isn't running smoothly off either of our tongues, but, we couldn't be happier.

Details are a little fuzzy right now, but we're thinking October of this year. We have a couple of different options for venues, but we know we want an inn or hotel of some kind with a really pretty outdoor space. Steve and I want to do a variation on a hand-fasting ceremony (see, I told you we were literally tying the knot!) and have it take place outdoors. It's going to be comfortable, but classy, and a little on the casual side.

I have a wedding blog on Offbeatbride.com, but I'm also going to be doing posts here, since I think not all of the posts will be available to people who aren't signed up for the site.

Here was my post from today:

Thank You for Off-Beat Bride!!

My mom bought a bunch of bridal magazines for us to look at together while planning this wedding. I just wanted to take a quick moment and say that I am very grateful that there is a site like this for people who want to do things a little different.

I think the thing that struck me the most today while flipping through the 'zines was how the brides are simply just targets for marketing (well, DUH, I guess, but still, it's different to actually be looking at the issue as a bride to be). Obviously weddings are a huge commercial event... but, it still feels like I've got a giant target on my back for marketors and vendors. I don't really read magazines all that much, so I guess I'm sort of just shocked looking at this stuff.

And it's not just about cakes, and dresses, and flowers... (those are all predictable) there were also ads from gyms and fitness centers. One ad gladly claims "Getting fit, or 'Bride Buff,' is key to looking - and feeling - your best on the big day!" "There are precious few '10's' our there (thank heavens), but this is the tiem to inch as close to perfection as you can!" Under headings such as Body Beautiful, Crowning Glory, Skin Deep, The Eyes Have It, Smile Wide, Smooth as Silk, I can learn about all the ways I'm imperfect and that can be changed for a (reasonable!) price of hundreds of dollars. In fact, if I have slightly crooked teeth, I can spend six to nine months before my wedding getting my teeth aligned for the measly price of $4,500.

I mean, really?

My favorite article from The Connecticut Bride, however, has to do with the groom... 10 Tips for the Groom. You know what happens when you assume? Yeah... Basically, the article assumes the guy doesn't want to have anything to do with actually planning the big day, is just going to be drunk the entire time, and has no idea how to act with any grace or class (okay, so yeah, this applies to SOME guys I know... but the same could be said for plenty women I know as well.) I kind of just want to go through the entire list piece by piece... but I'll give you the highlights.

Tips 2 and 5 remind the groom that it's not cool to go overboard at your bachelor party and to pace yourself throughout the weekend. (Because, afterall, "too often grooms who party on the way to the chapel have nothing left in the tank when the reception really starts rolling. Or worse, they waste the first half of their honeymoon just trying to recover"). First off, I think it's unfair to assume the groom is the only person who overdoes the booze at weddings. I actually do think this is a sage piece of advice for anyone attending a weekend-long event, especially one that will require you to have your wits about you. Second, if you met my family, you'd want a drink, too... I fully intend to be fairly intoxicated at both the wedding rehearsal and the reception and that will not be a privlege I intend to deny my FH.

I was slightly perterbed by tip 4, "No kilts, frilly cumberbunds or pastel blue tuxedos. Though all these ideas may seem like fun, retro or wacky ways to express your "individuality" (their quotes, not mine!) when you look back a decade from now, all you'll think is, 'What the hell was I thinking?' If you must be creative of goofy, save it for the reception, where the fun is supposed to be and your spirited show of individuality will seem in context." I don't think I need to go too in depth into this one, do I?

Going along that vein, Tip 7 also wants to ensure you're completely boring at your big day: "Don't macarena, chicken dance, or electric slide. For the love of God, man, have some diginity and leave that silly steppin' to your Aunt Lucy and your bride's nieces! Besides, real men slowdance." Okay, if there's ever a time to do silly dances (and I have only one nephew, by the way...) it's at your big day. Have some fun, for crying out loud!

Tip 10 is my favorite. "Remember to hang out with your wife at the reception. Too ofeten brides and grooms are pulled in different directions once the receoption begins, onl seeing each other at the meal, when the cake gets cut and for a dance or two., Though you'll have the rest of your lives together, nothing is more upsetting than lokoing back at pictures and realizing you have more shots of you with your golf buddies than with your new wife."

And of course, thre rest of the magazine is filled with nothing but traditional wide gowns, expensive flower arrangements, and completely stereotypical wedding-type stuff. (And of course, there is not a single mention of a same-sex wedding, any couples of color, or any pictures of officiants that aren't in church-garb).

Long story short, Thank you for this site. In a world full of white dresses, bans on kilts and the chicken dance, and reminders to "tell your bride's mom that you love her daughter. It may seem sappy to you, but it'll mean a lot to her"... well, I'm glad I have this community to turn to. Thank you for letting us be ourselves, and bringing all of us off-beat people together to plan our big days.